No family is perfect; and sometimes their problems can’t be solved within the family itself. That’s why it can really help to take your problems to a stranger—your counselor! Here are four times when you should do this.
1. The Parents are Separating or Divorcing
If you and your spouse are splitting up and you think it won’t affect your children, you’re very wrong. In cases where the split is amicable and the family can still function somewhat like a unit, yes, the children don’t feel quite so broken.
Unfortunately, this oftentimes isn’t the case. Children are frequently left with feuding parents who say awful things about each other and want their kids to pick sides. In other cases, children mistakenly feel like the split is their own fault. None of this is acceptable. A counselor can objectively explain to a child what’s happening in their family and provide reassurance that it’s not their fault, nor should they be put in the position to pick a side. Individual counseling and group counseling are both great ideas—and totally necessary.
2. There is Excessive Fighting
Yes, fighting between the kids could simply be sibling rivalry; but there could also very easily be much more to it than that—something that needs your serious attention. Does one child feel less loved, important, or like they’re being ignored? It could be, especially in bigger families.
There’s also fighting between parents and children to consider. Again, some fighting is normal. Children like to push the boundaries and a parent’s discipline is part of life. There is a limit, however. Are you engaging in screaming matches every day? Do fights get so violent, intense, and aggressive that they’re bordering on physical? There’s something seriously wrong here, and an objective third party can help you uncover what it is.
3. Someone is Suffering from Addiction
Addiction impacts the whole family, not just the person who is obsessed. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, or an eating disorder (yes, that’s considered an obsession with food), those close to the victim are suffering as well, and the results can be devastating.
Counseling is so important in this case because addicts often shun the help that their loved ones are offering; it can tear a family apart. Taking the whole group to counseling—in addition to the addict going alone, of course—can keep the family united and teach them to work together to get their loved one back on the right track.
4. A New Baby is on the Way
Why would you ever need therapy for this? This is a time to celebrate, right?! It certainly is; but introducing a new baby into the family also completely changes that family’s dynamics, and THAT is where problems can arise. Maybe you’re already noticing some undesirable effects—a son or daughter who resents you for giving them a sibling because it means less attention for them. Maybe you don’t notice anything at all.
Even if everything in the family seems peachy, it’s good to take precautions. If you ARE noticing problems, nip it in the bud and get to the root of the problem, so you can focus on the fun part: having a new member of the family.
There is no shame in needing counseling; in fact, it’s a responsible and caring move to make. If your family is in trouble, gather everyone together and talk it out with your counselor.